Similar people?

Albeit, this is a fictional character played by an actor, but I can’t help but notice the extreme similarities that character and I have. The more I think about it, the more things just keep falling into place. And the more I get freaked out about it because of the facts and how I feel I am SO MUCH like this character.

The character I’m talking about is from the hit series, Supernatural. And the character is Sam.

It’s not that I’m being obsessed with the series or anything or a stalker. But just watching the characters, how the producers develop the characters and how things happen to those characters and how each one react differently. I find myself more and more like the character Sam and how he reacts to certain situations. And then it leads me to believe that…

How and why am I so much like that character? Take the situations in the series, for instance: Two brothers, trying to find their Dad because they think he’s in trouble. Killing evil things on the way. Things finally get to Sam and he tries to find a way to stop it entirely by giving the evil things their own medicine. Which makes Sam almost become one of them (Demons and such) But with Sam’s growing powers, he thinks it’s a good idea and he can use that power to help people better. His brother on the other hand, thinks it’s all wrong.

See, I’m on Sam’s side. What’s so wrong with having a power to defeat evil? If you know how to use it, what’s wrong with using it? Sam didn’t come into the story wanting to have and awesome power or anything, it just happened. It’s like, why do I get prophetic dreams if I can’t do anything about it? I didn’t ask for it. But I feel I need to use that power for something good. Why would that be wrong?

I know I’m babbling. So what.

I’m just saying that just because you have a power and want to use it for good, (think Witchcraft) then what the hell’s the problem with using it?

The character  naturally thinks that since he has this power (the power to destroy demons), why would that be considered wrong? But see, here’s the thing: the character has to do things he doesn’t like to develop this said power.

And why does it have to be like that? WTF?

I fully believe that EVERYONE has an ‘ability.’ Whether we use it or not differentiates the ‘normals’ from the ‘weirdos.’ And the ‘weirdos’ who find out they have an ability, develop it and people call it WRONG!! Just because the ‘normals’ don’t understand it.

See, with me, I didn’t start having my ‘weirdo’ experiences until I started Middle school We had moved into our new house in St. Charles. The front door was open so Mom was already in there. The house was furnished, Mom and Dad came up before me and did all the work. I got out of the U-Haul van I was in, laughing at something my uncle said because he’s such a funny guy. I walked up the steps, into the house. All of a sudden, this feeling came over me. And I instinctively looked to my right, into a bedroom (which would ultimately be mine). The feeling was extremely strong, to where, with my kid imagination actually saw what was watching me. I could clearly see eyes. It walked in front, across the living room and sat down on the couch. Looking at me the entire time.  I wasn’t looking directly at it, so I could see it better. I told it that I wasn’t here to harm it and that it can let go now. Five seconds later, I felt like there was a weight on me that lifted. And the feeling went away. It never bothered me or my family again. Although, sometimes, I could tell when it made itself known.

That’s what started my whole, ‘other world’ thing and started getting my prophetic dreams. The most vivid dreams I’ve had were in that house. The ‘spirit’ I guess you could say, didn’t harm any of us at all. It stayed quiet most of the time. And I noticed that I was beginning to get ‘powers.’ If I concentrated and let myself be ‘teachable’ I could seriously make some lightning. Or have a storm come our way.  I remember sometimes that I would just start crying for absolutely no reason at all and the next day, someone that I knew or was a friend of someone I knew, died.  One day, I was so distraught because Mom and Dad got the report card and I wasn’t doing so well. They were trying to ask me why. I just started crying for no reason. The next day, I learned that twin sister’s parents had died in a car accident. I instantly saw the connection. I wanted to develop those abilities so that I could warn those people about to go through a tragedy, but mostly, I just kept to myself. Telling only two certain friends.

Not everyday was like that. Even though a teenager, I was pretty happy. I knew there was a dark side to me, like everyone else. But I had it under control And believe it or not, I was the ‘weirdo’ who had conversations with God. I’d walk all over my neighborhood, just talking out loud or in my head. Talking to God like we were two peas in a pod. I asked him about my ‘abilities’ and got answers I was extremely spiritual. And my interests grew to learning what I’m dealing with, finding out more about things and all eventually led to Wicca. It just clicked.  And I saw absolutely nothing wrong with going down that path. I learned new things. Saw black shadows, experienced new energies and wanted to do the whole ‘holy war’ type deal and be on the good side. Because magick is neutral. It’s the people that use it that makes magick what it is today. I saw nothing wrong with using the ‘abilities’ I had.

But now…it’s different. I feel I’ve lost something when I no longer used my ‘abilities.’ Granted, I still know of them and what went on and things. But the spiritual world is no longer a part of my life. And with that loss, I feel disconnected to God.

With the character Sam, I don’t know. I just feel like we’re the same. Even though that character isn’t real.

The point I’m trying to make out of all this babbling, is that there’s nothing wrong with being a ‘weirdo.’ Wait, that’s not the point at all. The real point. The real point is that I liked having those abilities. I saw nothing wrong with it. And it made me feel special and unique. And I like that. It made me closer to God. It’s not that he left or anything. it’s just that I don’t see another way of rekindling that relationship I had with God unless I have those abilities. Because I’ve been conditioned to equate those abilities with being close to God. Now that I don’t have them, or aren’t using them anymore, I feel disconnected. I don’t want to feel disconnected.

If you’ve never watched the show, it’s a great show.