Where Am I?

Have you ever wondered where exactly your home is? You know, the place where no one can tell you what to, how to live, what responsibilities you have, not living in a house because someone’s doing a favor for you, but living in a house because it’s your house. Not someone else’s?

Hubby and I went to see Dad (he’s doing well btw), and we had the talk about what was going to happen when he comes to live with us. He doesn’t like it anymore than I do. But he did tell us that it’s not our (hubby and me) house. It’s his house and we’re just living there because they’re(Mom and Dad) doing us a favor. And that the house will not be in our name.

I don’t want anyone doing me a favor, because then, they have control over what I can and can’t do. And then, they get to tell me my responsibilities, why they think I’m not doing them, telling me to grow up and get a reality check.

I want a place to call my own. That’s it. End of story. Doesn’t everyone? I have always lived with someone else, in their home. It wasn’t until 2005 that my Mom and I got a trailer (real nice too) and I lived there and I LOVED it! Of course it was hard. Money was tight. I did all the bills and what not, but it was MY place. My home. And we both had a job. And I actually liked my job. I worked out every day, Mom and I ate right…..

Yes, I know. Stop thinking about the past. It’s over and done with. But I can’t help it. I like the past. It’s better than the present and future.

I want to go back. It’s not just a want, but an unfulfilled need to go back to that time where I was, to the person I was.

I’m not trying to disrespect anyone, but these are my thoughts. This is what keeps me stressed out. And I don’t know what to do with it. Sure, you can tell me what to do all you want. Stress isn’t physical. It’s mental.